Be a man do the right thing
its such a mixed emotions. needed to blog real badly.. cos its like days since i last blogged.. alot of thgs happen.. so much tt i din noe wat to say now.. seems tt sadness is still the strongest word to describe how i feel..
cant rly remem wat happened the whole week already.. jus tt ive been busy.. preparing for the ab camp.. delta exp.. and photoseminar,exhibition.. ps camp.. n one last thg i haven touched at all de kranji enrichment.. tts alot to do.. could b tt ive neglected alot of ppl.. but i dun rly have much choice.. do i? its a very common thg to noe tt.. im wanted by at least 2 parties at each point of time.. yes.. dis onli excludes my slping hrs.. which is most likely frm 1-6am. if i can split.. i'd split.. cos at some time.. i could b as busy as wanted at 5 different places.. so much tt i din wan to move at all.. or even b spotted. id like to hide.. away frm everythg.. but for now.. guess im abit better.. but.. jus got a bit sick.. been ah-chooing and thengot a v blurred vision.. empty mind.. heavy eyelids.. and a numb forehead feeling.. wats tis?
got quite a no. of thgs to do.. n it seems im taking my own sweet time.. cos i din rly noe how to start at all.. been missing out alot of thgs lately.. cos i cant rly split my attention up.. can i? so i hav jus get my photoseminar done and over with.. shalt not dwell upon it.. but the photo semniar was considered a success.. since no hiccups there was.. and then got ppl come lar.. though not many.. but its okie.. cos i noe wats wrong.. jus tt we mainly sent letters and din got the time to get back n call or ask them.. well.. i wun blame myself either.. i may b slow abit.. but its jus not a job for myself alone rite? wat the hell are the rest doing then? nth?? grr.. bunch of fools tt i dun wanna mention anymore.. decided i shalt let it all out.. to my J1s.. alone with them.. at some place where no one else is there.. hmm.. the photo semniar oso got my "j3s" seniors back lor.. n then patrick n andrew.. then speakers came.. francis ng and lance lee.. nboth were young.. n quite shuai i supposed.. francis ng is ms lee husband.. well.. think she got a v "unique taste" huh? dunno cos tt guy abit eccentric.. n then his talk bout conceptual photography got every1 wondering wat issit still... n yes.. his photos sucks like hell.. technically all fail.. jus tt he got weird weird ideas.. for lance.. well u can see his bright future.. took aj idol taufik album photo.. cant b a very bad photograpgher.. well yes.. got v nice shots.. n hes a nice person i think.. tts v much one good photographer should b like.. :) then haven rly checked on the guest book.. but i think quite pathetic.. haha.. olso got some nice food which seems to hav been stolen by some cleaner before i got a chance to eat them. din eat them during break.. well will i b dat gd appetite to eat huh? everythg was quite smooth lar.. as in i gave a speech.. think its okie.. they said i was calm.. :) but i felt kinda empty feeling.. cos its like v little ppl to tok to lidat.. eww.. the speakers must hav felt the same.. lol. then the presentation i got abit relaxed lar.. so i jus anyhow speak.. not rly following my script.. yea.. so everythgs kinda fine.. could b better defintely.. principal nor VPs nor teachers were ard.. except our tcher in charge.. ms flo lee. casey goh, n lee siew lin.. sadded.. had a debrief session after the whole thg.. hmm dunno de comments were like abit plain.. n boring.. just basically could hav more ppl come participate gd liao.. then presentations abit longer.. n some thgs standardise more.. ppl more intiative.. n soem smaller details take note of.. then venue nicer abit.. haha.. rest shuld b ok lar.. :P its free admission lor.. n got free door gift.. n got free food.. get new knowledge.. form closer ties.. then see nice photos.. wat more do u ask for? Boo~
was quite shocked to like noe tt it was slightly better than previous de.. since its like everythg so original.. all the shots were taken by us.. all rsearch and teaching by us.. 100% original n copyrighted.. lol.. previous years they used internet pics.. yucks.. lol.. perhaps some live demo is good.. but its kinda hard to arrange .. i feel.. yeps.. : serious hard lei.. no time.. it was all on a busy n tight curriculum.. hmm..
irene came.. long time din see her.. its like she din feel weird or anythg.. cos we like nv tok for ages.. n we did yesterday.. like toking so normally.. suddenly missed her.. haha.. wat to say bout her.. its so much still her.. de way she acts behaves.. still her.. din noe she actually wanted to b involved in PS activities.. n concerned over who is the next president or sth.. ha.. din expect tt.. cos its unlike her.. n well.. she was even lazy to go for prize presentation lor.. mus b she scared diu lian.. haha.. and well yes.. she grown slightly fatter.. but its ok i guess.. jus got to noe wats she doing lately.. shes still considering wheter NUS business or NTU accounts.. i suggested NUS.. dunno her.. go join PS bah.. n she said dunno.. well.. shes quite dang dang.. din noe mei yun NUSPS pres.. eww.. but shes not rly shocked to noe oso.. haha.. well shes coming for PS camp.. can see her again.. ha.. took neoprints as a gang.. not able to take with a larger grp though.. so jus some J3s, J2s lor.. before tt was like a bunch of 30 ppl.. goign for luch together.. got like J4s, J3s,J2s n J1s.. wow.. haha.. but nah.. had to split.. no space for all of us.. so we spilt.. b we splited.. eventually like all differnt ways.. haha.. cos no common activity all would like enjoy or do..
then for past week got concerts.. those at esplanade.. good job.. but was abit sian for me to enjoy.. tired liaoz.. n yes.. only like first few i would notice.. the rest is like same.. so i could have slept.. the combined CO band was nice.. yupz.. friday was harmo n guitar.. seems like quite fast.. but.. music abit soft lar.. n emcee i dun like.. dunno wat else to say.. but they got their whole place packed.. irritating.. the wh0le audi packed.. mine is like 1/6 of theirs.. i think.. grr..
to lulu.. nicely done~ wasnt rly able to support u.. jus see u playing lor.. if id hav more energy n time.. will hav bought flowers, n shout for u.. haha.. :P din reply ur "thank u" sms oso.. sry.. nth much to say.. but welcome.. haha..
past week got home at like earliest 8.30pm.. latest 11pm.. think so.. so its like tiring..
dunno wat else to say.. cos memory is failing me..
all i want to say is darling.. u dissapointed me.. i was sad cos of u.. yes.. cant b helped.. u din come to de seminar.. when u'd say u'd would.. u asked wheter i wan u there b4.. i said Yes lor.. so yes.. im sad ur not there.. noe ur dad is leaving.. yes.. u shuld spent time wif him.. jus tt i dun noe why u cant like spent 3 hrs.. or even 1hr to come down n take alook even.. its tt simple.. its like it seems dad is everythg.. n me can be cast aside.. u said u v much wanted to.. but serious.. cliched but .. its true that.. Action speaks louder than words.. dun they? u did nth.. n im sad.. i understand.. understand tht u need to accompany ur dad.. but its gotta do wif some balancing rrite? u mean ur whole life is dedicated to ur dad or sth? i need u too.. hai.. but since it happened.. nth u can do liao rite? its not rly a matter of whus more impt.. but since we are both impt.. then why did u make it seem so much like im not? noe ur sad.. ur like wanting to be wif me.. ur missing me.. but u jus did nth bout it.. wat u wan me to say or do oso? hai.. though miss u alot.. but din wanna see u.. cos the meaning is not there anymore.. darling.. i dun blame or even get angry wif u.. hope u see tht im sad.. n im tired oso.. dun expect me to like answer u when im drained. but id take jus tt energy to listen to everythg u gotta say.. ur sad.. ur v sad.. more sad than me.. cos u'd be missing jus not me.. but ur dad too.. tts bad.. but nth i can do.. u can change it if u've had did sth for urself.. u caused ur pain.. not me.. and nth to do wif any fault.. perhaps u cant see a better way.. i dun blame u.. im jus sad.. yes sad.. its not de first time.. n i hope u'd hav realised wat u shuld do instead.. gonna b like a week without seeing u.. if i dun miss u im not a human.. haha..
guess nth much to say for now.. rest i dun wanna tok or dwell upon.. got alot thgs to do still.. my whole bag haven pack.. n its gonan b like alot of thgs i dun hav.. dunno wat to do at all.. n i haven called u darling.. jus tt i oso dunno wat to say to u even if i call u now.. nth to say but im sad.. will b fine after a few days.. im sicked.. n easily irritated.. hit my mum n shouted this morning.. sry.. cant rly control well.. haiz
gotta go.. bye.. wun b ard for a long time.. miss me bah..
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Thursday, May 19, 2005
heh.. wanted to blog today despite work.. cos kinda my last chance??
erm.. first thg is.. tmr is 2oth May.. oh my.. its the one year anniversary of my blog.. supposed to open it up to every1.. well.. will i do it? :X
erm.. dunno wats wrong.. but both my frequently used program failed me.. messenger cannot log in.. n de gmail cant even get to the page.. :S sucked. .... ........
err.. perhaps i got too engrossed into tv serial or sth.. erm.. the 7pm show.. cos everytime i reach home is tt showed on channel 8 lor.. yupz. quite nice lar.. though hes a retard.. but.. its kinda wei da.. n.. wonder if im like him.. *nods*
eh.. Jus wanna let everythg come straight from the heart.
No possession, nor hatred.
Love. ?
haha.. im jus lidat.. Eewww~ Sicked.
and.. take care lulu.. ur really sick its seems..
n hmm.. better dun become too senseless ya..
GP.. :( wanna sleep..
Sunday, May 15, 2005
wah.. rly long time like nv blog lor... so sry.. cos its like v busy de past wk.. n been rly stressed.. n lack of slp.. ok.. wkend better.. cos i do nth much.. n den spend time studying.. though cant rly concentrate well..
orh.. earlier in the wk got some stress talk.. well i got all de symptoms.. n ya.. going n experienceing them totally sux.. serious.. shall not elaborate until another day which i think will be like 1 month later.. when i will b really more free.. haha..
Stress stress.. hope every1 noes im feeling tt..
hmm.. yesterday went to drama stAJeworks performance.. it was really nice.. i mean it.. cos its like quite hard to do such a "no flaw allowed" show.. yupz.. got time i will tok bout it again.. but scared i wun.. so i shall tell u tt its quite worth de money.. since every1 put in really alot of work.. yar.. n good job to my darling as well.. haha.. n oh.. georgia was really good wif her acting.. though dunno y sumtimes her acting skill.. suddenly drop de.. ya.. mus b she not concentrating hard enuff.. but overall shes good.. cos still mus sing.. haha.. n her role is very tring to act i think. oh.. jus thot it will be nicer if de show was longer n more draggy.. de children die abit too fast lor.. ya.. n de scenes too short.. can purposely go elaborate it de mah.. den make it bout 2.30 mins.. it'll be worth 20 bucks den.. haha.. :P
ok.. bought roses for char lor.. she must be damn happy.. haha..:P rite not?? better cherish it ah.. ;P
n oso daisy for shama n amanda.. yep.. intended to gif them long ago.. was jus wondering whether i shuld gif char.. haha..
n poor melissa.. i really totally forget bout her.. haha.. pai seh la.. hope u dun mind.. :)
okok.. gotta go study.. 3 pm.. erm... max 10 hrs left?? :S still got alot.. jia you darling..
Sunday, May 08, 2005
quite long since i last blogged.. found no real reason to blog.. cos sorta emotionally peaceful le.. :P
but hor.. char hurt me again last nite lor.. but its ok la.. cos every wkend sth lidat will happen de.. :P dun worry la.. im always here caring de wat.. i wun stop de.. haiyo.. :P
erm.. needa do some stuffs like for PS n ab camp.. b4 gg on to study for my tests lor.. so jia lat for me liao.. noe its even more jia lat for char la.. im worried for her lor.. hmm.. well.. perhaps should worry more for myself eh?
lets jus learn as time goes by.. and.. pls.. dun threaten me ah.. :P haha
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
hmm.. made her cry.. am i bad? haha.. hope u guys understand.. merely jus love u guys alot.. tts y i care n i dun mind making u all hurt.. ya.. anyway.. i jus think i wun be of any biased against any wat.. i mean.. whu else.. yah.. whu else really cares n den can see de big picture.. when the rest eg.wey man, helena are like biased against 1 side.. really really luv ya guys lots.. hope u all dun blame me.. well as for now.. i got the "conclusion" la.. mayb i shuld rly not do anythg.. cos its true tt theres nth to do.. ya.. :P but though i feel sth can be done.. i shuld respect u both oso :)
oh.. actually.. perhaps its jus tt im expecting everyone to behave n be like me.. haha.. yah.. pai seh.. tts abit dumb.. y din any1 tell me.. grrr.. tts y im like setting expectations for ppl.. pow!
orh.. needa start calling ppl up to ask them come for the seminar le.. dun wan it to turn out a failure lor.. oh cmon! last thg le.. actually not.. stull got a kranji enrichment course n ps camp.. yupz.. cmon i can do it..
oh hee.. yups see char.. sry to let u see tt im not tt strong.. so malu.. :P
Monday, May 02, 2005
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
tu fa qi xiang
5/02/2005 02:06:00 PMtu ran you dian tu fa qi xiang..ni shi bu shi he wo ye yi yang?...
tu ran you dian hu si luan xiang.. .. ... .. ...
perhaps i was nv normal at all..
'____'
5/02/2005 11:45:00 AMOkiez.. not doing much this morning.. cleared my stuff.. n packed my bag.. :) sho guai rite.. :P anyway.. it may still b kinda messy :S oh.. den found some contacts n spent like 45 mins to key them into my phonebook.. Eww.. diaoz.. think there alre like alot more.. cos got sec sch frens n pri sch frens de nv key in.. and all those tchers no. haha.. dunno where to get them lor.. :S
well well.. everythgs gonna b alrite.. still miss u darling.. :)
Sunday, May 01, 2005
wats de prob
5/01/2005 10:04:00 PMi dunno wats de problem lar.. u make me dissapointed.. scared..den sad lor..
was kinda sick today.. snif sniff.. cos mayb nv put blanket.. but its not my habit to put any..
eat yum cha in morning.. den was sick of de food too.. bah.. perhaps rly cannot eat too much prawn or sth.. got abit rashes in de aftnn.. now ok le..
jus now evening realised i "menstruate" again. diaoz..
*miss ya alot.. becos of wat u did.. >.<