Be a man do the right thing
wah biang.. i seriously dunno.. wth is wrong wif me.. diaoz lar.. i cant seem to think properly.. or in fact i think alot.. think sooo much.. think too much.. think until like im still thinking now.. n ur wondering wat im thinking.. but neither do i noe wat im actually thinking!! wah laoz.. its like me trying to solve a problem.. but theres simply no way to solve it! wah kaoz.. how can it be possible.. n precisely tts y.. i cant stop thinking i think.. ArGH~ help.. i dun wanna think anymore.. but i cant.. :(
u noe.. it feels totally terrible.. its like eating my soul.. my heart.. my brain.. my body.. im like gone.. wah.. gosh.. im like describing till im like nth left.. but tts how its like lor..
for a moment.. every1 might say.. we shuld stop n look n reflect on de thgs tt we had done.. waha.. tts seriously a v nice joke.. i do look back.. mayb not alot.. but i dun dare look back.. cos its scaring me.. wah.. i could hav done better.. yes.. but im doing so badly.. n im continue doing it.. its like shit. SHIT.
hmm.. haha.. ok.. so wat happened yesterday was like basically.. i-dunno-why-it-happen kinda thg.. i remem i ate alot after i came home.. totally alot.. 1 packet of mee.. 2 packets of biscuit.. 1 slice of cake.. 1 glass of grass jelly drink.. half a packet of milk.. n den i toasted 2 pieces of bread.. plus add sugar n butter on it.. yupz.. worst is i continue to eat dinner( rice n vege..) in like 1 hr later.. diaoz.. i dun understand y.. but i feel so hungry n i dun feel full at all..
yep.. so went to study n do work.. but its like i soon fell aslp.. (like a pig ^(oo)^ ) den.. i dunno wat happened lar.. jus tt went i woke up.. i realise i got a phone call.. so i tok n mumbled.. she wanted sum1's hp no.. but its in my hp mah.. so n den i hang down de phone to sms her lor.. but i dunno wth i do lar.. i ended up deleting all my phone name entries lar.. wah biang.. i win liao lor.. its like trying to erase all my name frm every1.. but i dun think i succeeded.. cos its like sooo many ppl still call me.. n ya.. strangers still call.. diaoz.. guess i can nv run away..
den later i dunno.. i jus feel so afraid.. n ya.. den got so depressed.. when i dunno like wat the hell happened.. ah.. so yes.. i hid at my bed.. wah duh.. its like i feel so ashamed of it.. yet i still did..
jus keep thinking lor.. dunno..
i dunno dis n dat.. wateva u ask me.. i really dunno.. ah..
mayb shuld tell u how i feel.. but ya.. i dunno how i feel.. haha.. ok.. but i try to tell u wat are the thgs dat i think i feel.. :S
i feel.. bad.. ugly. dumb. ashamed. tired. weak. empty. hollow. horrible. terrible. uncontrollable. wateva i do is wrong. i cant go back. i cant stop. everythg falls on me. pressuriesd. stressed. squeezed. blamed. ignored. frustrated. like trying v hard to stay afloat. like going to be kicked out any moment. like the world is pricky itself. like the whole world is sorta against me. like i might be worse than a dog. like ive got no self. like falling sick is so good. like tommorrow always comes in a minute time. like i cant slow down. like i cant stop walking... like i cant jus let a day passed like tt.. n yet i regret it.
basically jus feel like dying larr.. :S yep.. cant find a word to describe all.. haha
dad is so irritating.. hes like making a fuss.. out of everythg.. like a bug.. like a fly.. grrr.. hes complaining bout why there are like ants in the toilet.. then he complained.. that somebody got diabetes.. den he goes on like wat the whole family should go checkup.. n den he pin point my bro that its him for sure.. n den he like nv sleep properly all de time.. wah laoz.. hes totally biased. dun care him >.< but he make it feel scared. ya.. wat if its me? haha n den i contracted all sorts of diseases.. n den im dying.. but in fact.. i might jus wished for tt.. :S
dunno why.. serious.. im in depression.. stressed.. breaking down! ah..
felt better after a cold.. i mean cold bath.. yep.. but my headache still there.. im mentally.. n psychologically.. n wateva.. weak... :S
jiayou.. to me.. i gotta find a way out.. i can do it de.. bless me.. pray for me..